Are You in a Toxic Relationship…with Work?
I used to wear “always working” like a badge of honor—until my health (and sanity) made it clear that my relationship with work was seriously out of whack. If you’ve ever felt like your job is bossing you around, this one’s for you.
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I used to think I had escaped the grind. After all, I wasn’t clocking in at some soul-sucking 9 to 5 anymore. I was running my own business, from home, on my terms. Except… those terms? They looked a lot like working 24/7, answering emails at midnight, and forgetting what weekends felt like. Guess what? I hadn’t escaped. I was in a toxic relationship with my work. And I didn’t even realize it.
When Work Starts Running the Show
A healthy relationship with work should feel like putting on a hat. Something you wear with purpose, then take off when it’s time to live your life. But for a long time, my “hat” was glued on. Work was the first thing I thought about in the morning and the last thing I worried over at night. I missed holidays, ignored weekends, and treated personal needs like inconvenient distractions.
It wasn’t just imbalance. It was entanglement.
Looking back, I can see all the red flags:
- Dreading Monday mornings (or Sunday nights)
- Crying on the way to work… and sometimes on the way home
- Staying late, arriving early, and working through sickness
- Never really off, even when I wasn’t “on the clock”
Even after starting my own business, those patterns followed me like a stray kitten with mommy issues. I wasn’t just working from home. I was living at work.
My Wake-Up Call(s)
The first real crack in the foundation came when I lost my mom. Her passing was sudden and world-shifting. I couldn’t focus. I couldn’t fake it. For the first time since launching my business, I stepped away completely. Emails? Unread. Clients? On pause. That grief was non-negotiable.
Then came the second wake-up call, one that hit even closer to home. My health. I spent Thanksgiving 2020 in the hospital and walked out with a cluster of diagnoses that basically screamed, “Hey, maybe you shouldn’t treat yourself like a machine?”
That was the real turning point. I realized I’d spent years prioritizing work over myself. My body, my peace, my life.
And it showed.
Setting New Terms in the Relationship with Work
I didn’t burn it all down, as tempting as it was. I rebuilt the relationship instead. This time, with boundaries. Here’s what that looks like now:
- I don’t work weekends or holidays. Period.
- I take real lunch breaks. Most days. (Hey, I’m human.)
- I carve out time for exercise and meditation daily.
- I adjust my summer schedule to give myself space to breathe.
- I don’t feel guilty for scheduling a doctor’s appointment during “work hours.”
- I avoid phone calls whenever I can. They’re draining and interrupt my flow, and I’ve learned that’s not great for my productivity.
Oh, and I no longer use productivity as a measure of my worth. That one was a doozy to unlearn.
Redefining “Success”
I was raised on the gospel of “hard work or bust.” Success, I was told, was something you earned by grinding your soul into dust and calling it ambition. Ease? That meant you weren’t trying hard enough.
But here’s the truth. If something comes easily to me, that’s not a flaw. It’s a gift. It’s a sign that I’ve mastered something, not that I’m cutting corners.
Success isn’t a corner office or a six-figure month. It’s being able to take a deep breath without guilt. It’s paying the bills and having the energy to dance in the kitchen. It’s showing up fully without burning yourself down to do it.
How I Know When It’s Slipping Again
I still fall out of sync with work sometimes. You don’t undo decades of conditioning overnight.
When I catch myself procrastinating, holding my breath at my desk, or snapping at people for no reason, that’s the warning siren. That’s when I know I need to check back in with me and ask… am I working to live, or living to work?
Rebuilding Means Reconnecting
Making my health a priority helped. But so did one other thing. Dedicating real work hours to my own growth. Writing blog posts. Taking courses. Exploring ways to work smarter, not just harder. Investing in myself the way I’ve invested in my clients for years.
That’s how I nurture the relationship with my work now. Not with more hustle, but with intention.
Trusting My Gut (Even When It’s Not “Professional”)
For so long, I tried to play by the rules. Show no weakness. Be productive. Don’t talk about intuition, empathy, or needing rest. That was “too soft” for business. Now I know better.
My softness is strength.
My intuition is a compass.
My ability to do things differently, creatively, soulfully, and intuitively is the reason I’ve lasted this long.
The more I own that, the stronger and healthier my relationship with work becomes.
You Deserve a Work Life That Loves You Back
So…
Are you in a toxic relationship with work?
Or are you building a career that supports your life instead of swallowing it whole?
Either way, here’s your permission slip:
You get to rewrite the terms.
You get to prioritize your peace.
You get to redefine what success looks like, just for you.
And if your work doesn’t love you back yet?
That’s your sign to stop settling.
FAQ’s
If work constantly takes and rarely gives, if you’re always the one compromising, and if you feel like you have to justify every break or boundary…ding ding, we have a problem. It’s like being in a relationship where you’re doing emotional labor for two. Only this time, it’s a spreadsheet ghosting you instead of a dating app match.
Oh, 100%. Sometimes the most toxic dynamics are with things we used to love…or still do. The issue isn’t whether you care about your work. It’s whether it respects your time, energy, and actual life. Love isn’t enough if it’s slowly wearing you down.
Probably not. Most toxic work relationships don’t start toxic, they become that way through over-giving, over-functioning, and a steady drip of “this is just how it is.” It creeps up on you. You normalize the red flags because you’re too damn tired to wave them anymore.
Nope. You don’t need to torch your whole career and walk off into the woods (unless that sounds good, in which case… I’ll bring snacks). Start by reclaiming your boundaries, your off switch, and your right to not always be “on.” Sometimes a toxic dynamic changes when you change the rules.
“Work That Loves You Back” is a self-paced workbook designed to help you untangle from the burnout mindset and build a work life that supports your actual life.
No more proving. No more pushing. Just practical clarity, realignment, and the freedom to work in a way that feels good again.
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Love this!!!!
This is a great reminder!